Time and time again I ask myself why it is hard to break old patterns when it comes to matters of the heart. Over the years I watch and witness women dating a certain type of guy. You know the guy. The guy that’s a liar, a smooth talker, a heartbreaker. The guy that’s trying to change you, and acts like you should be thankful to be with him. Let’s call these guys Jeremy, Robert and Mike. (Sorry if your name is Jeremy, Robert or Mike. I am just using these names for an example). Jeremy is going to represent the liar who never tells the truth about anything. The guy who thinks he greater than he is and lets you know that you’re lucky to be with him. Robert is the guy who’s trying to change you. He can’t get what he really wants so he’s trying to mold you into what he wants you to be. They guy you will never be enough for, and he’s basically just holding on to you until someone (who he thinks is better) comes along. Mike is going to represent the smooth talker, heartbreaker/cheater type. The one who keeps you on your toes because you don’t know how he feels about you. He has you in the palm of your hand and you’re just focused on him while he’s having fun on the side (or maybe you’re the side and you don’t even know it). Your skeptical and suspicious, but you stay with him because deep down you like a challenge. So, you date a Jeremy and you tell yourself that your next guy will be better. Then you date a Mike and that ends horribly, so you convince yourself that it’s the last time you will make that mistake. The next guy you start dating is a Robert, and once again you tell yourself that you’re going to do better. In the moment you may believe that, but you continuously find yourself with a Jeremy, Robert or Mike. It’s like a continuous loop.
I always wondered why and how women get into these cycles after passing a certain age. Is it low self-esteem or desperation? Is it because they might not have experienced what it’s like to receive genuine love back? Is it past trauma? Or is it a defense mechanism because deep down you’re afraid of something real? The reasons are endless, but I can’t help but wonder why. I definitely dated a couple douches in my teens and very early twenties, but it got old really fast. I don’t like feeling like I’m not valued and I’m not going to tolerate BS. Maybe it’s because I experience real love at an early age and after that I just couldn’t go back to how I was treated before. It’s like staying at a dirty motel with bullet holes in the door and stained sheets and moving on to a 5-star hotel. I mean, would you go back to that dirty motel if you didn’t have to? After I experienced what it was like to be treated right, I just couldn’t go back. One thing good about getting older. you start seeing BS from a mile away. It’s the same script, just a different cast. When I would see it, I called it out. Twenty-four just became the year for clarity, and me realizing what I wanted and what I will not tolerate. It was a liberating feeling. I got married a couple years after that. I was honestly mentally prepared to be single for life, because I wasn’t going to settle. But of course, it always happens when you tell yourself that you’re done with dating.
My wish for the ladies who are constantly dating all the Jeremys, Roberts and Mikes out there is to just look deep within and ask yourself these questions: Does he respect me? Does he value me? Would I want my daughter dating a guy like him? Would I want my mom to be treated like this? Does he love me for who I am at this very moment? Just ask yourself these questions. Everyone deserves love and respect. I hate seeing genuine people with big hearts repeatedly get hurt. It doesn’t just hurt you, but also your love ones around you, because they want you to see what they see. They know that you deserve more, and they can’t wait for the day that you will see that as well. You are more than an option. Pay attention to the red flags and walk away as soon as you see them. Dating the same type of guys over and over again while expecting a different result is Insanity at its finest! Break the cycle! Love yourself! Life is way too short to be wasting time with Jeremys, Roberts and Mikes when you can be happy and feel treasured. I want to see more love and smiles, and less heartbreak and tears.
This post is for the ladies, because I see so many women go through this, but I will also have a post for the men. So look out for that, next. 😉